Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
