tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
