I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
