omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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