i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Congratulations! We have a period
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