Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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