i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
