I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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