Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
