She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
