Just cropdusted the office
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
