So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
