haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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