i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
