from now on my penis is your penis
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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