I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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