My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
