dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize