are you still at the devil's house?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
