I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize