thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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