i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
