So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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