Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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