my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
