If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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