I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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