i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
