My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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