3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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