U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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