Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
