So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
