Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
