the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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