True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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