i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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