He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm at about main and main street
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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