remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize