her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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