Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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