remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
