He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
