so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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