Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
