Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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