He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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