I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize