just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
