I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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