i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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