Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So squirting runs in the family.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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