Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
