I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
