Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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