so explain again why im purple
no
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
