i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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