Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize