also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
