my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
