WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
