happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
