By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
