you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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