I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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