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Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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