Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
