I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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