So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
