:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
