I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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