I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
