I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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