Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
