Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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