So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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