Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
