he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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