Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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