Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
