Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
