Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
