My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
