You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
