Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
