remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
