I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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