I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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