I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize