Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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