i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize