Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
