I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize