i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
