She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
