did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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