her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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