sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
