from now on my penis is your penis
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
